This was an essay I had written last year on the 24th of February for a friend who had to talk at an inter-college competition.
The topic: ‘In personal as well as professional life, people face violence in friendship and also in a relationship, but they hesitate to ask for help because the violence they are facing is caused by their close ones. What should they do?‘
(Guidelines for the talk – explain the basic issue, think of possible solutions, talk about the techniques used to spread awareness. )
Essay prepared as flashcard for the talk–
Before we start talking about abuse in relationships, it is important to understand the word “relationship”. “Relationship” does not necessarily imply a sexual relationship between two people. Any two persons who know each other and interact are considered to share a relationship. An individual has multiple relationships that they maintain in their life. For instance, that with their parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances, and so on.
At any point if one feels uncomfortable, threatened or harassed in their relationship with another person, it needs close attention. Violence includes not only physical attack but also emotional harassment. According to renowned clinical psychologist Ms Barkha Bajaj, (founder, director and lead trainer of Aks Counselling and Training Agency) who specializes in trauma and family therapy, red flags of violence in a relationship include extreme jealousy, isolating behaviours, controlling tendencies, intimidation and threats, and emotional manipulation which includes making the other feel guilty all the time.
In order to address an issue, it needs to be recognized first. Most people don’t recognize the difference between abuse and minor trifles in relationships. This is a common practice even between friends. People don’t realise where they cross limits and where they exceed their position of control in the relationship.
Causes of violence in any relationship would include trust issues, personality disorders, mental disorders, bad past experiences, urge to express dominance, unawareness regarding the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and imitations of actions by parents, other family members or television shows and movies.
The basic problem lies in the fact that many people don’t regard this as a problem. Even if they do acknowledge the instability, they do not take action because the person perpetrating violence is a close one. Many people do not take action because they feel that they are the ones at fault, and continuously take the blame even when it is not their fault. There may be the fear of being ostracised by family, friends or the society at large for speaking up against a family member, relative or a friend. Most people who face violence are not in a condition to actively seek help because of the emotional toll it takes on them. They may not be in the physical state to leave the situation. In cases of domestic violence, people may be unable to act thinking about the repercussions it might have on the offsprings.
There is no one solution to the problem of violence. Depending on the situation and the relation between the two people, different courses of action can be taken. However, the presence of mind and a little courage is a must. The person facing violence should open up to someone trustworthy and talk about their problem. If the relation between the two people had been cordial before and has recently turned bitter, the victim can try to have an open discussion about it with the partner. If the victim has enough strength, they should leave the scene and ask for help outside the close circle because more often than not, familiar people tend to take sides without knowing the entire situation.
Counselling is available for the victims of violence, and also for the ones carrying out the acts of violence. There are many organizations that work towards reducing violence and abuse, and offer helplines that work 24/7 to provide aid and support to the victims of abuse.
Word of mouth is the most common agent of spreading awareness. However, it is not sufficient.
People do not know how they will react in a particular situation unless they are actually present in it.
Seminars which involve the active participation of the audience should be conducted. This would force the people attending them to think and come up with quick solutions. Bystanders should also be trained so that they can intervene when such a situation of violence appears in front of them, or so that they can provide help and support to the victims if they are approached for the same.
In a country like India, violence is an everyday affair in almost all walks of life. This does not make it any less harmful. What is wrong, is wrong no matter under what circumstances and by whom it is done. People should talk more openly about the things that bother them and not be scared of “what others would think”.
Awareness about violence should be included in the educational curriculum of all schools so that children learn about hurtful behaviour from a young age and are able to recognise the signs of the same when/if the time comes.
Like all problems, the problem of violence in relationships also has solutions. One can only solve problems when one is aware, and awareness is the first step towards change.
Solutions are available and continuous relentless efforts are being taken each day to make them easily available for all.
Like Albus Dumbledore said, “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
There always is HOPE, one might need only look for it in the right direction! ^_^
BE KIND; it does save lives.
Mind it?! 